The kindest cutlery

But not the silver, or it gets the hose.

I finally dug my grandparents’ silverware out of a box in the garage, cleaned it and stuck it in the drawer with the rest of the knives, forks and spoons. I informed the roommates via email:

A DIALOGUE, IN ONE SCENE:

You: “Hey, what are these new knives and forks and spoons in the drawer?”
Me: “It’s silverware — like, actual SILVER ware — that belonged to my grandparents, which I unearthed today in the garage.”
You: “You know there’s like four pieces of some things and eight of others, right?”
Me: “Yes. It already drives me nuts, like they left me with mismatched numbers specifically to mess with my head, so please don’t rub it in.”
You: “Can I use it?”
Me: “Yes … BUT it can’t go in the dishwasher, because the detergent will eat away at the silver. Hand wash only! Like Mr. Brooks’ nice glasses.”
You: “I’m just saying: There are only TWO TABLESPOONS, and like SEVEN KNIVES. So random and uneven.”
Me: [Plugs ears.] “La la la la la I can’t hear you.”

Imagine what my emails that recap the monthly bills are like.

WHAT SAM WORE: 1-24-12
The shirt: “South Austin Cock Fight” T-shirt, a gift from my friend (and Austin resident) Sharyn,
over a ¾-sleeve waffle-weave T-shirt, on clearance at Uniqlo, New York.
The pants: Jeans by William Rast for Target.
The shoes: “Top Winner” sneakers by Puma, from the Puma store in New York.
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4 responses to “The kindest cutlery

  1. Sam, put that stuff in a paper bag and take it to a jewelry store where they will exchange it for cash! Then take yourself and a friend to someplace wonderful (Bali leaps to mind) for a nice vacation. Your grandparents would love that. I know this for certain!

    • Sam Mittelsteadt

      Ooh, I don’t know if I could do that — it has a practical use and looks nice, so I don’t mind keeping it. (I will eventually have to break down and get that silverware by the pound to shore up the stock, however.) Now, about these silver dollars, though …

  2. Is it silver or silver plated? it says underneath. Silverplated wont get you a vacay, but sterling will. I sold my silver once when I was poor and kind of regret it. Dont do it.

    • Sam Mittelsteadt

      Silver plated — or “Tudor plated,” as the Oneida Community refers to it. Yet another reason to hold on to it!

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