I won’t butter you up.

I don’t know if the cosmos is chiding me or something, but lately it seems like the “Just Pressed” page at WordPress has at least a post a day that stresses how important it is to just sit down and write something.

I can see how that might be a useful exercise to, say, an author; my former co-worker Betty Webb, who’s published a half-dozen mystery novels, would probably be more instructive about this. But for casual bloggers like me, I think the opposite is true.

A blog isn’t a diary — or it shouldn’t be, anyway. A blog has readers, and you’d better have something interesting to share with them, or you’ve just wasted their time. Like, today I watched a video that a friend had sent me in which a woman performed a “dance” on butter. Let’s see how much you get through ….

OK, we’re back? Let’s discuss what the point of that was. Wait — would it affect your opinion if I told you that the full performance was TWENTY MINUTES LONG? I kept thinking, can you imagine being in that audience? Twenty minutes of nothing but those damn drums and one woman face-planting over and over again, serious as a heart attack the whole time?

Hey, thanks for demonstrating that butter is slippery! Or is it some sort of grander indictment of dairy? Why Indonesian drums? Why the sausage dress? I couldn’t even watch four minutes before I was like, “This is boring and repetitive Thank God I can fast-forward to see if anything different happens.” (Spoiler alert: Nothing does.) If I’m going to watch a woman dip it low and be all slippery, it’s going to be Christina Milian … say, at the 0:47 point.

Sorry about the blatant sexualization of women and everything, but still. So much more entertaining. And less than four minutes long.

To put it in a blog context: Nothing interesting has been going on. And rather than post something every day that says, “Nothing interesting has been going on, and here’s what I wore,” why not respect that people are too busy to watch you roll around in butter for 20 minutes while you say nothing?

Go listen to the new songs by Imperial Teen instead.


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