Not quite the juniors department, but …


I would like to publicly thank my sister Tammy, who included a Hollister gift card among this year’s Christmas gifts. With one of those, I had hinted earlier in the month, I could acquire one of the heavy cotton long-sleeved shirts or T-shirts that I love, without having to say that I, a 4(cough,cough)-year-old man, purchased something at a store that is targeted at teens who are one-(cough,cough) my age.

“I am now excited to be able to shop online in the shame and privacy of my own home,” I texted my sister when it arrived.

Wasn’t there an episode of Will & Grace where the acronym TOFA — Too Old For Abercrombie — was used? It’s on Urban Dictionary, anyway. For that reason alone I won’t set foot in the physical stores, and plus (stereotype alert!) the music* is so loud!

* I do enjoy the fact that, frankly, it’s some of the gayest music I’ve ever heard in a store that doesn’t have a Pride Gear section. The store playlist over the past few months has included Scissor Sisters, Matt Zarley and Abigail.

I already try to steer away from any attire with a brand name emblazoned on it, which eliminates a good 90% of the T-shirts. But that remaining 10% … That blue plaid shirt up above will make a wonderful addition to my collection and, aside from an embroidered seagull the size of a fingernail, is logo-free. Take that, TOFA!

I will be glad to shop online … and sticking to the sale section probably means that I don’t contribute too much to letting the CEO keep his corporate jet and its crazy rules, including a doggie seating chart and flip-flop-wearing male “cabin attendants” (young actors or models, not actual flight attendants).

sweater010613 shirt010613 pants010613 shoes010613
The sweater: Wool cardigan by J. Crew, a hand-me-down from Big Booty Judy.
The shirt: “Cash Only” T-shirt, from Headline Shirts.
The pants: Dark-wash slim-cut jeans, from Uniqlo in New York.
The shoes: Suede “Whirlwind” sneakers, on clearance at the Puma store in New York.

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