5/2 split: On the tube

Lately I haven’t been watching TV like I used to — the other day I realized my DVR had completely filled up because even my favorite programs like “30 Rock” and “Glee” were stacked with unwatched episodes. That’s right: I still haven’t watched the last episode of “Glee.” (But I will include three photos of Matthew Morrison shirtless after the jump, for the Google searchers.)

(Click on the thumbnails for larger-size photos.)

So imagine trying to fit in these five programs, which I never really got into. …

1. “Lost.” (Sorry, Amy.) Never seen an episode. In a serial show like that, I think after a while the law of diminishing TV returns kicks in: You’ve missed so much backstory that you won’t understand a single thing that’s going on right now—or at least you won’t enjoy it as much as the hardcore viewers who’ll just resent you for constantly asking questions. For me to start watching now would be like walking into the last 15 minutes of “The Usual Suspects.”

2. “American Idol.” I especially stay away from the preliminaries, where they like to make fun of talentless people (remember William Hung?). Even if it means I miss the collective fun of “Pants on the Ground” — which when taken out of context is not all that entertaining anyway. I think I watched a couple of performers during the Kelly Clarkson run and I remember David Cook singing “Little Sparrow” (it was Dolly Parton week! of course I watched), but that’s about it.

3. “Mad Men.” My friend Melissa referred to it as “bloodless” and when her friends tried to rebut that, they kept trying to play off this season’s lawn mower scene, which was sort of deliberately sidestepping her point. I would try to contradict her, but I haven’t watched an episode.

4. “The Sopranos.” Man, I hated that show, even as I feared that the reason that I didn’t like it was that I was turning into my parents. (“Why do they need to swear so much?”) But it wasn’t the cursing that sent me into the spare room whenever Trainer Brian wanted to watch it (I wouldn’t even cook dinner in the kitchen during that hour, because I didn’t want to be anywhere near the tube) — I just found pretty much every character unlikeable and unredeemable. I don’t like being around these people in real life — why would I waste hours watching them on TV?

5. “Jersey Shore.” But if there was one program I sort of secretly want to watch, this would be it. I’m just glad I never remember that fact when I’m near my DVR.

And two shows I love:

1. “Cougar Town.” Our neighbors have a joke that each of us embodies a different character on the program, and right around the time that one guy asked Courteney Cox’s Jules: “It must hurt to think that much,” and she said, “It does! It really does!” I knew who they would pick for me. (And when a character said, “I’d like to have sex on the beach at sunrise,” she said, “Aw, that’s sweet. Here’s what I don’t like about it” and proceeded to rattle off the logistical problems, it was sealed.) Also, I love cougar Barb, who just pops up randomly in episodes then disappears. And has her own Q&A video sessions! (Q: “What’s your sign?” A: “Gemini—and I’ve got the twins to prove it!”)

2. “The Dish.” Maybe even more than “The Soup.” Watch this for an example why: “What’d I do?” (And this one: “There’s a cold sore on the runway.”)

WHAT SAM WORE: 01-21-10
The shirt: Stretch-cotton tuxedo shirt by Theory, from Last Chance.
The pants: Dove gray boot-cut khakis from Banana Republic at SanTan Village in Gilbert. (We ate at Cantina Laredo that day, too. Yum.)
The shoes: Leather slip-ons by Rockport, from Nordstrom at Scottsdale Fashion Square.